Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
