OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
