Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
