I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
