so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
