It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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