never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
