And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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