Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize