Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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