Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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