I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
