i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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