I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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