He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i think my cat just said my name.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
