You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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