babies were throwing up all over the place
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
