he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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