I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
