I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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