we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
