Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
