as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
