There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
