apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
