This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
