dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize