Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
