and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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