Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
