There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
