This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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