My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
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I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
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I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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