I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
