u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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