you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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