They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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