I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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