this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
