M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
