Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
