just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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