so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
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my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
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It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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