Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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