Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
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I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
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The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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