The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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