i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
