Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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