You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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