you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
