I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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