with your own penis?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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