College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
