What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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