Betty ford says i'm here all night
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
