At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
