so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
