first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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